Daydreaming An Impossible Little Dream

I'm still breathless from Bill Mann's latest blog posting, in which he asks if anyone out there is interested in a creative writing workshop. In Palm Springs maybe, or Provincetown.

Godamighty. Is he kidding? Is anyone "interested"?? Let me just take a deep breath and see if I can get my tumbling, caroming thoughts in some kind of coherent order.

I would--well, not kill, exactly--but I would do a lot to be able to participate in such an event, even if it's only for 2-3 days. Also I would dearly love to go to Provincetown, Mass and see for myself what it is Bill raves about: the fascinating parade of people, the flow of queer locals and curious tourists, and the water and sun and the unique interplay between the two that produces (he says, others say) the kind of light one doesn't find anywhere else. I'm sure Palm Springs is lovely, but Provincetown is magical, or so I've heard, or so I'd love to see.

And I need a change. I really do. I need to break out of the prison existence I've been living for so long, this soul-deadening routine of work, home, work, home. I long ago walked away from my artwork and my writing, save for this blog, is going nowhere. I need to see other places, meet new people, make more friends, find my joy.

I need to work, but at something that really matters to me, that will make me feel alive and engaged with the world. I don't know if, realistically, a 3 day seminar would help me accomplish all that--that may be asking too much of any sort of class or workshop. But a start. It could be the start of a new path and a new sense of purpose.

If I could go.

I don't see how I possibly could; I'm barely making ends meet as it is. How many hundreds of dollars would a 3 day workshop in Provincetown or Palm Springs cost? How to get there from here? I'm getting depressed just thinking about this now, to think I could be a part of something like this--it's out of the question.

But if I could......