Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Brava Meredith Baxter!! (Your Membership Kit Should Arrive Shortly)

Just watched the online Today show interview clip in which Meredith Baxter, best known as Elyse Keaton, the mom on the popular '80s sitcom Family Ties, came out to Matt Lauer. It was terrific. Watching her, and watching Lauer draw her out with such sensitivity and skill, was a genuine treat; I smiled all the way through it.

It was twice the treat, in fact, because as I was hurriedly putting myself together for work this morning I slowed to watch the shot of Lauer, standing outside the studio with Meredith Viera and Al Roker, giving the teaser for the upcoming interview with Baxter in which he hinted at her decision to share a "secret".

"Gay!" I thought immediately, then laughed at my presumption. Ah, Lorraine, you think everybody's gay. I grabbed the remote, clicked off the set, grabbed up my coat and bag, and went out the door and into my day, not giving it another thought.

Then I came home, turned on my pc, opened up my browser and--gasp!-- there was the "coming out" story on my homepage with Baxter's picture beside it!

Sweeeet!! :0)

I thought Baxter was very classy, didn't you?--forthright about her anxieties over such a public disclosure of her private life (Um, yeeeah, do celebrities really have those anymore? Did they ever?) and candid about her reasons for doing so (A looming tabloid disclosure *sigh*). She was also warmly funny relating how she'd earlier come out to her five grown kids--her eldest "smart-aleck" son cheekily told her he already knew--and her step-dad, Emmy-winning writer-producer Alan Manings ("Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In", "One Day At A Time", "Good Times", et al) who in reply to her nervous announcement that she was dating women said something along the lines of "Really? So am I!"

Baxter told Lauer that she'd also come out to her Family Ties family, Michael Gross who played husband, Steven, and the "kids", Justine Bateman, Tina Yothers and of course Michael J. Fox. (Oh yeah, and I suppose I should include Brian Bonsall, who played the adorable 1986 edition to the Keaton household, Andrew). Happily, according to Baxter, both her real and fictional families, as well as her friends, have been supportive and loving. I'm delighted for her, and for all of them.

But especially for her.

Some LGBT people may take issue with the awkward timing of Meredith Baxter's announcement--it is unfortunate that it took the threat of a tabloid "outing" to convince Baxter to acknowledge her queerness, and personally I hate the idea of anyone, famous or not, coming out under duress--but good on her for deciding to tell her life story her own way rather than leaving it to a supermarket gossip rag to do the deed.

Though I have nothing but admiration for LGBT people who come out young, especially those with public profiles--more of that, please-- in some ways I most admire late-in-life gays who finally stand up and step forward. I speak from painful experience when I say here that the longer you avoid telling what you know to be The Truth, the more convinced you can become that speaking out will be the cataclysmic end of everything, and the harder it can get ever to find the words and the courage to do it.

All that said, watching Baxter's coming out today is for me a bittersweet thing; I so wish the profile of African-American LGBTs was higher, by which I mean, existent. How much longer will we all have to wait to have the pleasure of watching similar Big Reveals from the likes of... oh, pick anybody. Seriously, go ahead--pick anyone. If we're really expected to believe, as we approach the second decade of the 21st Century, that all of today's black entertainers and persons of note--be they tv stars, movie stars, R&B, hip-hop and pop stars, athletes, journalists, politicos, reality-show divas or various and sundry other media movers and shakers--are all heterosexual, why not assume they're all gay as well? Holds about the same amount of logic.

Wait, you're saying, what about--? Yeah, I know... I know about African-American LGBT luminaries such as singer Johnny Mathis, dancer-choreographer Bill T. Jones and writers Alice Walker and Jewelle Gomez, to name a few... but more importantly I wonder how many other Americans, black or white, can say the same? Because that I'm aware, I've never known any of them to sit with a Matt Lauer, a Barbara Walters or an Oprah Winfrey on national television and talk plainly about the experience of being lesbian or gay or bisexual. (If I've missed something, speak up--I'd like nothing better than to be contradicted on this point!) And it needs to be said that far too often when the celebrated likes of James Baldwin or Bessie Smith or Lorraine Hansberry or Malcolm X are profiled for Black History Month, their non-heterosexuality is either downplayed to a footnote or airbrushed entirely out of the bio.

Which leaves me feeling... less than celebratory.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Bleh (Sunday Morning Pages)

Sunday. Sinday. Sin day.
(Sin-Day? What in heaven's name made me think of that?)

Restless today and vaguely... bleh. Went for a pleasant walk this morning--absolutely beautiful autumn day, perfect for strolling--but feel like I didn't get as much out of it as I should have somehow. Would I still be out and about if this were Hyde Park rather than Bronzeville? Possibly. All those evocative, familiar streets and beckoning bookstores and cafes, the lakefront, the parks. I miss the walkabouts of my younger days--so much restless energy. Wish I'd begun writing back then, too. Didn't know then I had it in me, I guess. Nobody knows anything when they're young. Nothing.

I should return Michael's call. He left a message requesting assistance from his "computer expert", meaning of course me, but I am not an expert at all, just a bit more comfortable with modern electronics than he, hopeless Luddite that he is. Mike reminds me of my mother in the way he just assumes I can rescue him whenever he's confronted with something he doesn't understand. It never dawns on either of them that I might be as baffled as they and not exactly eager to demonstrate that.

Why am I so irritable? It's the first of a nice little 3 day vacation (almost forgot I put down Tuesday as a vacation day, though I still have Tuesday night's workshop to attend) but I can't work up much enthusiasm about it. Maybe that's why I'm dragging my feet about calling Mike back. I don't feel like talking, and I don't feel like talking about why I don't feel like talking. Even a non-conversation with Michael, where we begin by acknowledging we need to keep it short, can run on for a solid two hours before someone's phone dies and we finally hang it up.

The writing is going... (pause)... okay. It could be better. I want it to be better. I want to write every day something good, something wonderful, not this doodling crap where I can go for pages not really saying anything. What forces combine to create a Baldwin? a (Toni) Morrison? a Dickens? an Oates? Why can't I be as prolific as any of them?

Because they're special that's why. Gifted. Touched by the Divine. I am neither special, nor gifted (though I might be touched). I am just okay. And only that when I work at it.

Okay. Pity party is over. Time to get back to working at it.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Lizzie

Lizzie has now been consigned to memory. I miss her terribly.

This morning Mom and I took her to Hyde Park Animal Clinic where Tom Wake--a good guy who manages to combine kindness and sensitivity with brisk efficiency--performed the euthanasia services.

Did she know this moment was coming? It sure seemed that way; getting her out of the house was really rough. The clever scenario I’d envisioned for tricking her into her carrier—placing it outside the front door the night before with the expectation of maneuvering her inside the thing this morning after she followed me into the hallway—quickly fell apart when she went into hiding instead. The diabetes meant she was always ravenously hungry and thirsty, yet this time she refused to budge at either the sound of kibble being poured into her silver dish or the sight of a little 2% milk in her orange saucer, as though she sensed something sinister was afoot. I wound up having to corner her under my mother’s desk and muscle her into her carrier, she snarling and spitting every step of the way.

Me feeling like a traitor.

At the clinic Dr. Wake‘s assistant carefully held her on a towel-covered examining table while Tom gently but surely injected her leg with a clear solution that made her unconscious then stopped her heart. At Tom’s urging I stroked her head and spoke softly to her, hoping my loving voice and touch were the last things she experienced as she faded. It was all over so quickly—she didn’t pant or struggle or moan—and I could swear I saw the light go out of her beautiful marble eyes. Her pink tongue protruded a little. Then she was gone.

One especially heartbreaking little moment: as Tom was administering the injection my mother tried to gently rub Lizzie’s extended paw and with her remaining strength Lizzie pulled away from her. I cringed inwardly at this; even seconds from death she would not allow Mom to befriend her. Mom didn’t comment or react, but it must have hurt. She’d tried so hard these last five years to win Lizzie over but Lizzie would have none of it. For a fleeting moment I was actually angry at the cat.

I am going to miss her so. I know I sound like one of those pathetic cat ladies everyone rolls their eyes about, but she was my baby and almost human in her irrepressible playfulness, compelling need for attention and affection, inquisitive nature, epic silliness, and occasions of hissing, paw-swatting cantankerousness. From the moment I first met her, a live-wiry 11 month-old calico in my neighbor's living room, she was truly a character, interrupting her wrestling match with a Kermit toy to bound over and leap into my lap, paws pressed against my chest, performing a whisker-tickling examination of my chin, lips, hands and knuckles, before deciding I was hers. I brought her home that very day (My neighbor had to move and couldn't take her with him) and watched her take over the place, as I knew she would.

I will miss her chirping, burbling greetings, her soft mewlings for her breakfast and supper, her sudden mischievous grabs at my passing feet, and the trick she developed (until finally she became too sick to balance herself safely) of sitting up on her haunches and begging like a dog, knowing I would melt at the sight and give her whatever she was after—usually a saucer of milk, her favorite treat.

Where she learned that gesture I will never know, but then, she was an amazingly smart animal. Whoever said cats can’t be trained has been seriously misinformed; I was always teaching Lizzie new things, often without my realizing I was doing it.

I will miss our hallway hockey games, whapping and sliding back and forth to each other aluminum foil balls, plastic milk jug rings and anything else that would roll or bounce or skip. I will miss hide and seek around the living room furniture, and her snooping shopping bag inspections of incoming groceries. I will miss her frantic little “hurry up!” meows whenever she’d hear my key in the door and her affectionate nuzzles and winds around my legs when I came in and knelt down to tickle her ears and properly say hello.

I have gotten through the rest of this day and this evening by pretending Lizzie is lazily snoozing somewhere in the house out of sight, a contented, fuzzy, tri-colored ball—it’s just too painful right now to admit that she's gone and I will never see her again. I will miss her every day, for a very long time. The house will feel this way for a very long while, strange and still and unnaturally quiet.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

For Barbara; And Especially For Lynn

I am going to do three things very soon, as soon as I am able: I am going to purchase two books--Barbara Sher's It's Not Too Late If You Start Right Now and E. Lynn Harris's What Becomes of the Brokenhearted.

I loved these books--I don't think it's just the mood I'm in. I have just this week finished library copies of each and have decided both should be in my home, near my desk, somewhere close by. Even if they mostly only sit on a shelf, I'd feel better if they were always within easy reach for those times when I'm down, discouraged and unsure of myself and the validity of my dreams. Both in their way are inspiring reads, though I ended Lynn Harris's beautiful, deeply moving memoir with the sad awareness that, due to his sudden death last month (heart disease?), I'll never have the chance to meet or correspond with this wonderful man. I know he's gone and still I want to write to him right now, just to tell him how much his willingness to share his struggles as a black gay man trying to make his way in the world means to me.

Barbara Sher however is alive and presumably kicking at this writing, and at the close of It's Not Too Late included contact information and encouraged her readers to let her know if her words were helpful and in what ways. I have forever missed my opportunity with the generous and life-affirming Mr. Harris; I will try not to with the witty and wise Ms. Sher. Even if she is unable to reply, I would want to let her know that her book made me completely reconsider what I thought I understood about middle age and second life dreams.

The third thing is I am going to join that Neighborhood Writing Alliance group I've spent three years watching wistfully from a distance. It's free, my work hours have changed so there are at present no scheduling conflicts, they meet within walking distance of home, and the new workshop begins next month. Looks like I'm all out of excuses.

If I get to choose my first writing assignment, I know exactly what it will be. Maybe I'll call it Letter To Lynn.

If not... I'll write it anyway.

Monday, August 24, 2009

My Cat Is Sick And I'm Not Feeling Too Good Either

24 August 2009
Monday Mid-Morning

I’m doing it again.

Waiting for someone to give me permission to do what I know needs to be done without anyone having to tell me.

Specifically, it’s about my cat. It’s time to have her euthanized. I know it even if my mother doesn’t (and really, she might). Lizzie is diabetic and her disease is being exhibited in all kinds of heartbreaking and exasperating ways, from the constant thirst that has her harassing me for milk nearly every time I walk into the kitchen let alone open the refrigerator door, to her opting to lie down in front of her water dish, her chin propped on the edge of her bowl, as she drinks and pauses, drinks and pauses, drinks and pauses. She’s always hungry as well, though it doesn’t seem to matter how often or how much I feed her; her appetite is never sated. She wakes me as early as 3:30am, pleading for the first in a series of feedings, though so far I’m able to hold off until at least 4 or 4:30am.

Then there are her deteriorating elimination habits.

For months now she’s been having trouble keeping both urine and fecal matter insider her litter box, the urine leaking or spraying out of the box chiefly because of the way she angles her body when she steps inside it to pee, flooding the floors and sometimes soaking the wall, bathroom rug and anything else nearby. She’s also pooping outside her box. Regularly. Sometimes on the bathroom rugs but most often on the living room carpeting, usually—though, to our horror, not always—in the early morning hours while we’re still asleep. This even though I have stepped up the care and cleaning of her cat box—which means I’m cleaning the damn thing religiously and still having to clean up after her elsewhere.

Her coat is another area of concern. It badly needs detangling—again—and she probably could benefit from another bath. She will not allow me to comb out even the smallest of tangles, though she does like my “’grooming” her with wadded up soft plastic newspaper sleeves and petting her in the evenings after “we’ve” emptied the trash (she always follows me into the hallway and sits patiently, waiting for my return from the garbage chute). In these bonding moments I have detected what feel suspiciously like tumors here and there on her body; some time ago I began to notice her apparent discomfort whenever she’d try to roll over on her side.
Lizzie also hides a lot now, crawling under my bed even when I’m home and in the room with her. That’s worrisome because I’ve learned that hiding is something many animals do to protect themselves when they’re scared, ill or in pain. She also vomits more often than I’m sure is normal.

Somehow none of this registers with my mother, or barely does. She seems especially unaware of how frequently the cat is peeing and pooping elsewhere probably because I am almost always the one cleaning up the mess, often before she’s seen any evidence of it. Mom is unaware of the tumors, if that’s what they are, because Lizzie resists all my mother’s efforts at physical affection, and she doesn’t notice the hiding behavior because it happens in my bedroom rather than hers and because she’s become accustomed to the cat’s disappearances when I’m not at home and its preference for my company when I am. We’ve talked about the diabetes and she has seen the ramping up of appetite and thirst, but she has (apparently) acclimated herself to that reality such that its larger meaning—the animal is seriously ill and will not get better—doesn’t fully register with her anymore, if it ever did. I don't think she really wants to know.

As before, with another beloved pet some 14 years earlier, it’s becoming clear to me that the burden of deciding the time to end things will fall to me; Mom cannot and will not say goodbye on her own. Her inability to do that comes from heartfelt affection for Lizzie, yes, but also because the animal has come to represent something else to Mom, something more than just a pet. It’s almost like she and I are a couple in a faltering marriage—I know how bizarre that reads but that’s how it feels—and the cat is the child that has been keeping us together. I don’t want to trivialize or ignore my mother’s feelings, but neither do I want to be ruled by them. Dealing with this animal’s problems is becoming stressful; this is a quality of life issue for me, too. I can’t leave the decision to her—she doesn’t want to know.

All that said, what do I do and when do I do it?

My mother says we shouldn’t have Lizzie euthanized until we’re sure she’s in pain, but the problem with that logic is at least twofold: first, when would someone as generally unobservant as my mother notice when that particular threshold had been reached, especially given the cat’s tendency to hide? And second, how much silent suffering should the cat have to endure before finally Mom could bring herself to agree that she should not be allowed to suffer anymore?

The last vet visit was back in March of this year. That was when Dr. W. laid it all out for me, after Lizzie’s blood and urine lab tests came back. He suggested daily insulin shots would likely help Lizzie’s symptoms and buy her more time, but the realities of the treatment and ongoing costs make that an unworkable solution. Euthanasia was all that was left and though I felt terrible for even thinking it, I was tempted right then and there to say to Tom, “Let’s just do this and get it over with.” Had I still been living alone, I probably would have.

But I’m not, and this living arrangement with my mother has complicated things. I know she wants to believe this is “our” cat and thus “our” decision to make though in her heart she must know the cat is really mine. This is as true now as it was 11 years ago when, after making it brutally clear to my mother that there would be no more pets, period, I did a guilt stricken about-face and brought Lizzie home to the Hyde Park apartment we shared. Though Mom became quite fond of Lizzie, she was content to let me be the pet mother, the one who actually tended to its needs, from keeping the icky litter box clean to ferrying it back and forth for check-ups, grooming and yearly shots; Mom loved the pleasure of the animal's company but not, particularly, the nitty-gritty of its care. Not surprising, it was with me the cat most strongly bonded and when, after another few years, my mother and I parted company and I decided to take Lizzie with me, Mom gave no argument.

But a few years later my financial fortunes changed for the worse and we all moved in together again (Lizzie surprising us both with her steadfast refusal to accept my mother’s determined attempts at getting reacquainted), and… here we are, faced with this, or rather me faced with this.

Faced with doing what I know needs to be done without anyone having to tell me to do it.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

More Queerty

I wandered into a Queerty.com thread again, and felt compelled to post this in response to a fierce and freewheeling debate--which as far as I could tell was entirely male--involving the suggestion of homophobic behavior and/or attitude from NBA legend Shaq O'Neal and actor Demetri Martin during their recent appearance on The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien.

Full disclosure: I did not catch that particular Tonight Show or even watch the posted clip of it. However, through the exchanges between the commenters I understood that Martin, who in the new movie Taking Woodstock plays a real-life gay man who was instrumental in the creation of the iconic 1969 music festival, talked to Conan about having to kiss a guy in the film. Apparently O'Neal then slid away from Martin as if to express repulsion at the idea of two men kissing; that, or mock fear that Martin would try to kiss him.

In response to this, some commenters went after O'Neal, others insisted Shaq was unfairly taking the brunt of the criticism over the episode and charged racism, and still others generally opined that there was plenty of blame to go around, expressing annoyance at (presumably) straight actors who sign on to play gay characters and then moan to the press about how "challenging" such roles are, and also at Conan O'Brien, who must have something of a history of homophobic joking around in his comedy. (I guess. I'm not particularly a Conan fan, so I can't say for sure.) Even Taking Woodstock director Ang Lee came in for an angry scolding for not casting gay actors in his movies' main roles... Anyway the commenting back and forth over this, and other issues it led to, was so heated, with so many good points getting mixed in with a lot of sneering, testosterone-fueled zingers, that I couldn't resist joining in (though, admittedly, I rattled on rather longer than I should have for forums like this):

We ARE all essentially on the same side here, aren't we? Or at least most of us? It's kind of hard to tell what with all the shouting, name-calling and insult-slinging. (You're a pretty lively group, lol.) Several thoughts came to me as I read all the back and forth of these comments; hope y'all don't mind my sharing a few...


1) I know it's Shaq's appearance on Conan--sorry, The Tonight Show--that kicked off the raging debate, but somehow my thoughts wandered to Magic Johnson's appearance on Arsenio Hall's show nearly twenty years ago, after he had tested positive for HIV and announced his immediate retirement from basketball. In answer to the rumors that he was gay, Magic told Arsenio he was not, saying "...I'm a long way from that." Arsenio smiled and the studio audience exploded with cheers. I wanted to throw up, I was so disgusted with Johnson. It was his tone, the way he said what he did, that got to me. I remember thinking: Fuck you, Magic. Is it really necessary to play to all the bigots out there? You can't find a way to say the words "It's not true" without the insulting insinuation?

Admittedly, this is not the same as the Shaq controversies, but it came floating back to me anyway.


2) The victimhood issue-- as a black lesbian entering her fifth decade, I can kind of speak to that. A lot depends on how and where you grew up, of course, but if you are a member of a group that has historically suffered serious and significant discrimination--some of it irritating in its subtlety, some of it scarily overt--over-sensitivity becomes a kind of occupational hazard, especially if you're a member of both tribes and find yourself constantly having to deal with one tribe's dissing the other.

I have been to queer events where mine was the only face of color and the freeze-out (especially from the guys; not sure why) was such that I couldn't bear to stay in the room. I have also found myself at noisy odds with black family, neighbors and coworkers (especially the women--don't ask) who frankly found the gay stuff "unnecessary" and even "disgusting"-- even as they insisted that they personally had "no problem" with gay people. (Riiiight...)


3) And as to Ang Lee, and the issue of straight actors playing gay roles... sigh. Are we sure we're in command of all the facts about this? I'm not convinced a gay actor, out or not, could have brought more nuance and heartbreak to the role of Ennis Del Mar than did Heath Ledger, though, yes, it did get increasingly annoying watching one entertainment reporter after the next "sympathetically" prompt Ledger about how "uncomfortable"-- read: having to kiss and simulate-fuck Jake Gyllenhaal--the role must have been to, um, play. (And excuse me, but just how was that so damn hard really? I'm a dyke--I'm not blind or dead.)

On the other hand, how many talented, hunky gay actors felt safe taking on such a role? How many of them worried that doors would softly close around them and they'd never be seriously considered for an action or straight romantic lead role ever, or ever again? How many might actually have been eager to play Ennis or Jack but were warned away by their (closeted?) agents, managers, and publicists? Do we know who was on Mr. Lee's short list for the main characters of all his queer-themed films, and who turned him down for the reasons just mentioned?


Again, reading your arguments about this, my thoughts turned to another time and place: I recalled reading about the difficulty Alfred Hitchcock encountered when trying to cast for his film "Rope," the movie loosely based on the 1920s Leopold-Loeb murder case (Think it was Arthur Laurent's autobio that detailed this). Hitchcock had wanted Cary Grant in the professor role, and the beautiful and exciting newcomer Montgomery Clift in the role of one of the murderous young men.

Alas. Neither Grant nor Clift, both gay, would go near the roles. Both were aware of the famous case that inspired the story, and may have known the real-life protagonists had been lovers--though of course that's only hinted at in the 1948 film-- and were apparently afraid the homoerotic subtext would mean trouble for them. (Grant's character was also originally envisioned as a former lover of one of the young men.) I think it was handsome Farley Granger--quite good (and, ironically, also gay)--who took the role meant for Clift. And it was stalwart, straight as a stick James Stewart who played the young killers' ex-teacher, a piece of casting which changed the entire tone of the film. Stewart brought moral umbrage, but not much else, to the proceedings, seeming to have no clue what was really going on.


My point is that, as much as we might like to think so after all this time, not all that much has significantly changed for young hottie actors (especially males) in Hollywood. They are still told to keep their heads down and play it "safe" if they want a chance at a Serious, Big-Ticket Career in showbiz (or for that matter, team sports), and the status quo remains largely intact. Unfortunately.

PS: I sincerely apologize for the length of this comment, guys. Stepping off the soapbox now.

Yeah. A tad long. But I feel better, how 'bout the rest of you?

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Charles Perez and The Continuing Facts of Life

Just read a story on Queerty.com (posted five days ago) about the saga of Charles Perez, who was first demoted to weekend anchor and later fired outright from his anchorman gig at Miami's ABC affiliate WPLG for, it is strongly suspected, the crime of Delivering The News While Openly Gay. Perez is fighting back, having lodged a complaint of discrimination; the case is pending with the Equal Opportunity Board. I was interested, as always, in the comments posted by readers; one of them really grabbed my attention, opining:

"You shouldn't be discriminated against for being gay, but you shouldn't bring the fact that you are gay to the workplace overtly (emphasis mine) either. "

I read that one twice, shaking my head, which was flooding with memories of workplaces past. I decided to register with Queerty, just so I could respond to that particular comment--which had to have been made by an extremely young and naive, or willfully obtuse, person. This is, in the main, what I posted in response:

Excuse me, please?? That statement completely ignores the fact--the FACT--that hetero workers think nothing of bringing the fact of THEIR sexual orientation into the workplace, "overtly" or otherwise, every single day!

I've been a working adult for nearly 3 decades now. In every office or workspace where I have been employed, straight fellow employees have proudly displayed on their cubicle walls and desks all manner of evidence of their personal lives, especially scads of photos of their kids and spouses or significant others. The marrieds come to work each day grousing--sometimes jokingly, sometimes not--about life with their Better Half, the singletons come in with glowing details about last night's hot rendezvous and an eagerly anticipated weekend getaway with the latest object of their affection... unless, that is, they come in bemoaning the latest loser they felt compelled to endure on the previous evening's travesty of a date.

Either way, you can't get away from the information overload--don't get me started on what happens with the approach of St. Valentine's Day--and given how much of their lives working people spend on the job, it's really not surprising.

And as for dealings with "the public" (which presumably would include customers and clients)-- just how is a gay person supposed to respond when "the public" brings up personal matters, chatting about their own family and/or love life--and then asking you about yours? People do that you know, and even in these post-Ellen, post-Will & Grace, post-Queer As Folks times, straight people have an annoying tendency to assume that everyone in the room is hetero like them.

What do you do if you're not hetero like them? Are we really expected to lie? Why should we have to? Why are the rules still different for some?


Perhaps I should have included as post script: Can you hear me, Mr. "Change We Can Believe In"?

And Debutante of the Year 1944 at Age 15

Her Films:

1941 Citizen Kane............................................... Orson Welles

1942 The Magnificent Ambersons................... Orson Welles

1943 Shadow of a Doubt................................... Alfred Hitchcock

1944 Laura................................................... Otto Preminger
Les Enfants du Paradis............................ Marcel Carne

1946 My Darling Clementine............................ John Ford
The Big Sleep............................................ Howard Hawks

1947 Black Narcissus......................................... Michael Powell
The Paradine Case.................................... Alfred Hitchcock

1948 Letter from an Unknown Woman.......... Max Ophuls

1949 Madame Bovary....................................... Vincente Minnelli
She Wore a Yellow Ribbon...................... John Ford

1950 Pandora and the Flying Dutchman........ Albert Lewin

Monday, August 17, 2009

To Whom It Might Possibly Concern

August 17, 2009
Monday

Folks,

Having been unceremoniously dumped into a "fee-based" technical support system without my prior knowledge or consent--this after having been placed on hold several times by a customer service rep who plainly had no idea how to help me with my problems--my disappointment with the "___ _______ ___ Experience" is now complete.

Therefore please find enclosed your ___ kit returned, and at my expense, I might add. Henceforth I'll look elsewhere for a ___ service that is truly both affordable and easy to install and use.

It's too bad, really.

Initially I was excited about ___'s (finally!) offering a ___ service, especially since the monthly cost seemed reasonable and, unlike ___, I could look forward to the benefit of ___ without the annoyance of being locked into a yearlong contract. Additionally, as an ___ customer, I could try the _________ ___ service for two months free (per the original sign-up offer); I decided to send for the ___ kit.

Then it arrived-- my _____ ______ confirmation arrived a bit later--and my headaches began.

I was less than pleased to discover (as I own an earlier model _______without a ___ ____) I would have to go out and purchase a ___ or ______ ____ in order to make the hook-up work; I did so nevertheless, deciding with the help of a salesperson to purchase a ___. I followed the directions of the accompanying manual carefully, installed the ___ ____, hooked up the ___ kit (using the blue ___ _____), inserted the ___ set-up CD-ROM into the drive, and... the first screen of the ___ set-up wizard warned that the ___ could not be detected. Something was wrong.

I uninstalled everything and tried again; still no connection. Baffled, I called ___'s tech support hot-line seeking help. I spoke to a very nice customer support person who tried to walk me through a manual installation of the ___ so that the ___ system would recognize it; no success. Finally, this individual suggested that the _______ ____ might be easier for the ___ set-up system to detect.

Accordingly, I returned the ___ to the store from which I'd purchased it, exchanging it for Microsoft's _______ ____. I read the installation and set-up manual carefully, following its instructions with its CD-ROM. I hooked up the ___ again (this time using the red _______ _____), inserting the set-up CD-ROM again, aaaand.... once again the set-up wizard's first screen warned that the ____ could not be detected.

Something was wrong. Again.

Again, I backed out of everything, again I shut down my ________, unhooked the power cord from my ________, re-read the set-up manual(s), and re-installed the ____ (this time in a different available ____), replaced the cover of my ________, and attempted the set-up again.

Again, no luck.

Frustrated, I called ___'s tech support again, and once again I encountered an amiable support person who seemed baffled by my installation problems, suggesting I try this and that, to no avail. He placed me on hold to briefly assist another support person nearby; he came back, he asked me more questions, made more suggestions, and placed me on hold again.

He returned again, and hemmed and hawed, obviously uncertain of what to tell me; he asked me to hold again. I held. And held.

Next thing I knew I was listening to an automated voice "welcoming" me to ___'s "fee-based technical support service." This was the last straw.

So, here is your ___ back. Whatever benefits there may have been to using this thing are simply not worth the (considerable) aggravation of trying to set it up and get it going.

Late in the year last year, I ended my service with ___. By that time I'd experienced little glitches and inconveniences with that service just annoying enough to compel me to quit it when the contract finally ended. If absolutely nothing else, I did not want to be locked into another yearlong commitment.

Well. One thing I can say about their ___ that cannot be said about your ___: if you signal interest in their ___ service, they take the trouble to find out what sort of equipment you're using so they can then determine what kind of ___ ________ ___to send, and everything you'd need is included when it arrives, including a compatible ________ or ___ ____. You don't find yourself having to pony up even more cash (you may not have right now) to make it all work.

May I trust it's safe to assume I will NOT be charged for this vexing misadventure? I never made it to the trial period, after all, let alone past it.

Thank (almost said something else) You,

The Disgusted Miss M.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

I'm Not Saying It Happened Like That. I'm Just Saying It COULD Have Happened Like That, Etc.

MichaelMichaelMichaelJacksonJacksonJackson. Everywhere you look, everything you hear. Wall to wall coverage of his massive memorial service in L.A. yesterday, I mean Tuesday, and my coworkers can't stop speculating his "true" cause of death. On a power walk the other morning I encountered a couple walking in the opposite direction; the woman smiled and pointed to my Sansa and mouthed Michael Jackson? I shook my head and smiled back.

Madonna. Don't Tell Me.

Her smile wobbled as they passed me.

Jackson's 11 year old daughter Paris broke down in tears as she remembered her dad. I know this because the image of her surrounded by a sea of comforting Jackson aunts and uncles is on the cover of all of yesterday's daily newspapers and leading off all the news and infotainment shows. Did they encourage Paris to speak or did she insist on doing so? Maybe they shouldn't have let her--she was obviously overwhelmed by grief and she's only a child after all.

My mother has decided that Michael Jackson could not possibly have molested any of those kids. She's given it a lot of thought and come to the conclusion that it was an extortionist plot, complete with racist overtones, hatched by the father of Jackson's accuser.

Right. Of course. I pointed out to her that more than one boy came forward with charges of sexual molestation (or inappropriate contact, or whatever you feel more comfortable calling it); were all the parents in on this shakedown?

She thought a moment. "Yes," she said.

Okay, that last part I made up. I did remind her that Jackson and his legal team had to contend with more than one accuser, and she quickly concurred, but then continued talking about it as though Michael Jackson's downfall was all the fault not of his own actions or poor judgement but of one boy, possibly a malicious, manipulative boy, possibly an innocent who was being stage-managed by a resentful, greedy dad who might even have described Michael to his son as a nigger.

I sighed, remembering how the OJ trial had (briefly) divided the family; here we go again. "I'm not convinced of that particular scenario, Mom..."

"I know, but--"

"I mean, come on now. You've pretty much convinced yourself that's how it happened and you don't really know that. You like that explanation because you liked Michael Jackson and get misty-eyed at memories of him as a little boy. You'd rather not believe him capa--"

"I know it. I know it! I've had that talk with myself, asked myself if I wasn't just believing what I wanted to believe... I'm not saying it happened that way--I'm saying it could have happened that way! You don't realize, honey--there are people in this world who will do things like that, especially, you know, when a celebrity is involved..."

She went on like that for awhile longer, building steam, and eventually I gave up trying to interject. I knew that attempting to point out the irrationality of her central argument would only lead to an emotional quarrel that neither of us wanted and would in any case move neither of us from our firmly held positions. Besides, could I say for sure she was wrong? Money and unexpected proximity to a superstar celeb can bring out the worst in all kinds of people; maybe my mother's assertion is essentially correct and poor Michael got busted for trusting the wrong people.

May-be.

Thing is, if in strict fairness I have to concede that she could conceivably be right in her suspicions about Michael's accusers, it stands to reason that she should be prepared to do likewise and allow for the possibility, however painful to contemplate, that it was Michael Jackson's behavior that was predatory--not the boy(s) and not the parent(s)--but she can't (quite) bring herself to do that.

"--and all that money! That little nigga can afford to give up some of that money, it ain't gonna hurt him!--I'm just saying it could have gone down like that! And--you know what, too?--those sleepovers--Michael was probably just trying to recreate something from his childhood, you know? From the days when the Jacksons weren't rich and he and his brothers were sleeping two and three in a bed and maybe used to horseplay and tease each other? I've really thought about this, Lorraine, and I'm pretty sure that's what was going on. Maybe things got out of hand somehow and the boy misunderstood Michael's intentions, or maybe he knew Michael didn't mean any harm but he told his family about it, and next thing you know--"

Yeah, Mom. But it is also possible that something happened between Michael and his young guest that absolutely should not have, but not with everybody who made the complaints. Maybe upon hearing of the first molestation accusation some of the parents, shocked by the charges, allowed guilt, disgust, hysteria (and the scent of settlement money in the air) drive their actions, convincing their kids to say things went on that didn't happen to them but did happen to somebody else.

It is also possible that Michael Jackson betrayed, in the most unforgivable way, the starry-eyed trust of countless youngsters over an unknown period of years while managers, handlers, staff, security, perhaps even certain family and friends, nervously looked the other way, praying to Jehovah that their worst suspicions were wrong.

Not saying it went down that way. Just saying it is possible and wondering if we (the fans generally, the black community particularly) will ever allow ourselves the freedom to merely speculate, let alone investigate.

"--and, I mean, yes it's true Michael obviously had a dark side--I really feel he needed help that he never got. All those cosmetic surgeries, and his skin--you know they say Joe Jackson used to say terrible things to Michael about his looks when he was young, make fun of his nose and his teenage skin--somebody should have gotten him some help so that maybe he wouldn't have felt the need to change himself so drastically--"

Okay, that I definitely agreed with. Michael needed help he never got. It was fascinating and disturbing watching his face morph first into an eerie approximation of Diana Ross circa 1980, then into a Eurasian drag queen and then... not... really... sure anymore. Bad Kabuki theater?

Given his many cosmetic surgeries, I've never known what to make of Jackson's assertion that his bizarre color transformation was the result not of relentless self-bleaching gone haywire but rather of treatment for vitiligo, a disease that makes skin lose its pigmentation in patches, by causes still not fully known. I'm not disputing Jackson's claim, but I have read that Joe, the Jackson patriarch, was a strict and forbidding taskmaster who ruled his household with an iron fist--just this week one of the morning news shows paying tribute to Michael's musical legacy reported Jackson senior used to monitor his sons' rehearsals with a belt in his hand--and was indeed cruel in his comments to MJ about his appearance. I have also read that Michael was so traumatized by life with his father that the surgeries were really a determined attempt to eradicate all traces of Joe Jackson in his features; furthermore, I've read that once MJ decided he wanted to become a father himself he was determined the mother should be white, the better to replace, or at least "dilute," the Jackson genetic trait.

I don't of course have any way of knowing for sure how much of any of that is true. Then again, I wouldn't be surprised. The Jacksons were steeped in the public consciousness for a long, long time; when you're that famous certain things about you--sometimes waft-y, indefinable things--eventually surface whether you wish them to or not. Even when nothing is confirmed by the celebrity or his spokesperson you begin to sense things simply by watching him or her over the years. You read, and watch, interviews carefully, paying close attention to what is not said as much as what is. You glance at tabloid headlines, hate yourself for taking such trash one ounce seriously, and read them anyway as you wait at the check-out line; you watch to see which scandalous allegation develops legs and gets picked up by the "respectable" periodicals. You keep a sharp eye out for that eyebrow-raising Barbara or Oprah confessional.

"...Poor Michael. They need to just leave him alone now, let the boy rest in peace. That's what killed him, probably, carrying the stress from all that stuff..."

Probably, Mom. That or the drugs.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

To Michael, On Independence Day

Mike,

Weird that just after I hung up the phone with you last week I heard the news about Michael Jackson. What a shocker, huh?

And yet, somehow not really, when you consider what a carnival of turmoil his life had become. My mother was stunned speechless when I told her all the cable news channels were reporting he had passed—all these years later she still thought of Michael Jackson as the button cute centerpiece of the Jackson Five, as though on some level unable or unwilling to comprehend or accept that Jackson had grown up and his life had become a great deal more complicated in the intervening years. Like a lot of fans, I go back a long way with Michael Jackson; remembering him with the Jackson Five is remembering my childhood; recalling the release of event records like Off The Wall and, of course, Thriller, the monster smash that ate popular music, is like looking at snapshots of myself (and Joe, and you) taking our first uncertain steps into our adult years.

Do you remember when Diana Ross Presents the Jackson Five came out back in ’69 and it was reported that she’d “discovered” the group and brought them to the attention of Berry Gordy, who signed them to the fabled Motown on the spot? That was PR bullshit of course; Diana Ross did no such thing. A number of other people helped the Jacksons in the early days; if anything it was the celebrated likes of Sam and Dave, Gladys Knight, Bobby Taylor and others who were most instrumental in getting Gordy to see the Jacksons’ immense potential.

Whatever—they were phenomenal. I’ll always remember the thrill of their performances, the close harmonies, Michael and Jermaine’s delightful call and response singing and, best of all, those electrifying, precision dance moves. Bubblegum soul. That was the memorably affectionate description of their musical style. The Jackson Five really were something new, something that had never before happened to African-American kids like us, the first black teen idols.

Maybe I should cap that: The Jackson Five Were the First Black Teen Idols. I was so proud of that, and of them. I loved their music, bought every new record the minute they hit the stores, semi-patiently taught the song lyrics to classmates. (Remember when it was imperative to know the latest Jackson Five songs?) And like my classmates I understood intuitively their importance to American culture generally and to Black America particularly; the Jackson Five were to popular music what Ali was to sports and Sidney Poitier to the movies: the supermen among us whose supreme talents not only lifted us up but also reached across racial divides. You knew that somewhere white kids were also watching Michael and his brothers on The Hollywood Palace and The Ed Sullivan Show, leaping off their parents’ couches to sing and dance along to the infectious beats of I Want You Back, The Love You Save and ABC, right along with us. Somehow, you just knew.

More importantly though, they were ours. Who cared whether the white kids liked them or not? Let the Tiger Beat teeny-bopper suburban girls shriek and swoon over the Dondi-eyed Donny and his Osmond brothers—we had the Jackson Five!

I remember in my moody adolescence barricading myself in my tiny closet of a bedroom, playing Maybe Tomorrow, Lookin’ Through The Windows and Never Can Say Goodbye over and over again on the disco ball shaped record player my mom gave me for my 13th birthday, haunted by the bittersweet lyrics and the yearning ache and keening wails in Michael’s young voice. There was a head shot of him on the record sleeve for the 45 single Ben—or maybe it was Rockin’ Robin or Little Bitty Pretty One—anyway, he is bright-eyed with a full-lipped grin, a newsboy cap is perched at a cocky angle on his Afro. For a long time, this was my favorite picture of him. I would play the record and gaze at Michael grinning back at me, wondering what in that very moment he was doing, thinking, feeling. Time inched forward, and Michael and his brothers got a little older, his voice deepened, and his face grew spotty, plagued like mine by aggravating flare-ups of teenage acne. I’d read somewhere that away from the stage Michael could be very shy, especially when meeting new people; I imagined the acne making it that much harder for him to endure being sought after and looked at, and I was sympathetic, knowing just how he felt.

Other pictures of Michael Jackson appear in my mind’s eye: Michael formerly dressed and in snazzy, pinched-looking shoes playing basketball on the court of the family’s new California home; Michael just a few years older, sweet-faced yet slightly ill at ease, sandwiched between the glamorous likes of Liza, Halston and Jackie O at some typically over-the-top Studio 54 shindig; a darkly handsome and tuxedoed Michael in front of a brick background on the Off The Wall album cover. Where did the time go? He seemed with effortless ease to evolve from cuddly child prodigy to precociously assured solo star to superstar powerhouse, the new young master of the realms of R&B and Pop.

Remember the Motown 25th anniversary special in 1983? Owned it! Didn’t he?! The medley routine with the brothers was as rousing as expected, Michael now as tall and lean as big brother Jackie. But when those first thumping strains of Billie Jean began—that funky, spooky base line—and he unleashed that blazing, landmark performance of moonwalk and attitude—Michael Jackson exploded onto a whole new entertainment plateau (if not creating it right on the spot) and became a New Age Astaire. It was breathtaking.

It was also, in a way I still can’t fully explain, the beginning of the end of my sense of connection to Michael, that feeling like he was one of us and I knew him. It wasn’t just your usual he-belongs-to-the-ages-now mingle of pride, awe and resignation. Okay, it was that, but it was something else also. By the time of Thriller’s release he was beginning to change in ways I didn’t understand; the seemingly never-ceasing process of altering his appearance had begun, along with the perhaps inevitable retreat behind layers and layers of lawyers and lackeys. It was also the start of whispers and snickers and less than flattering press scrutiny and speculation.

As time wore on I still loved Michael’s music—well, most of it, most of the time. And nothing could touch my Jackson Five memories. But about the rest—the mirror glasses, the thinned-out lips and narrowing nose, the weirdly childlike “Peter Pan” persona, the quasi-military uniforms—I have to confess I had become as skeptical--not really the right word, but I can't think of the right word; I never could--as everyone else. I was older now too, and beginning to observe Michael Jackson with an attitude of detachment, and with more critical eyes. Though I tried not to be as judgmental—or mean—as some, or at least not overly so, chalking up Jackson’s increasing strangeness to the vagaries of artistic temperament, every once in awhile I glimpsed something that made me wonder just what was going on with the “Gloved One.” Did Michael Jackson really live in a different universe or did he just expect the rest of us to think so and ask no questions?

Take the Emmanuel Lewis thing.

Now—there. I’m not even sure what I mean by that, exactly, but if you remember any or all those images of the two of them at a mid-eighties (’84? ’86?) Grammy Awards show—where reportedly they’d met for the very first time—you must have at least an idea where I’m going with this.

I mean, think back: there’s the then twenty-something Michael Jackson at the height of his fame and in all his glitter-gloved splendor, and there’s Emmanuel Lewis, the then—forgive me—pint-sized star of the popular Webster TV series. In all the photos of the two I have ever seen, Jackson is holding Lewis firmly in his lap or carrying him around on his hip as though he’s handling, I don’t know, his own child, or a baby brother, or a little Jackson cousin. The two only met, mind you, yet Jackson apparently thought nothing of literally picking up and carrying this moon-faced adolescent boy around for the benefit of the cameras, and maybe for the duration of the evening.

And remember, Emmanuel Lewis was an adolescent—though he looked every bit the cherubic tot he played on Webster he was in fact a showbiz veteran of 12, a fascinating peculiarity, similar to that of fellow actor Gary Coleman, that had been reported in a number of interviews—and how many 12 year old boys do you know who would want to be publicly carried about like an infant, no matter how they looked? Shouldn’t that have occurred to Michael Jackson? Shouldn’t it have mattered to him even, you know, a little bit? Age aside, there is such a thing as boundaries after all; respecting another’s personal space is more than a notion, or should be. Was Emmanuel Lewis such a bedazzled fan of Jackson’s that the indignity of being treated like a living toy simply didn’t register that magical night? Or was he too intimidated to object?

And by the way, what, I’ve always wondered, did Brooke Shields, Jackson’s supposed main squeeze at the time, make of it? There she is by his side, smiling her wide, beautiful, camera-ready, actress-model smile—what would you say that smile concealed? Unease? Consternation? Embarrassment? Was she even a little creeped out by the spectacle of Emmanuel Lewis as Jackson’s personal pet? Or was she as obtuse as her celebrated pretend-boyfriend? (Eventually Shields revealed in an interview that she ended the relationship with Jackson because she began to realize there would never be any there there; even after communicating that she was ready for things to go to the next level, apparently the romance never went further than chaste kisses.)

To this day I don’t know if any reporter or news publication or broadcast of note commented back then, in any kind of raised-eyebrow way, on that Webster-Jackson public cuddle. I didn’t go looking for snark. But whatever anyone else made of it, whoever did or didn’t say anything about it, for me it was unavoidably a brow furrowing, what the f**k is he thinking moment.

Then in '93 those shocking, sickening accusations of child molestation that began to unravel him--and I was shocked as everyone else, Mike. Shocked and dismayed—oh, Lord, no—not this! Not him! This was unreal, unbelievable! Michael Jackson? A child molester? It's a shakedown, it's a total misunderstanding! I didn't believe it!

And... yet…

There again, I don’t know how to finish that thought. You can be shocked by something but yet not really surprised, do you know what I mean? He was always surrounded by all those damned kids. And, beyond the customary phalanx of security forces, there never seemed to be any other adults in attendance; just all these shining, poignantly young faces gazing at Michael Jackson in adoration, thronging around him. You looked at images like that, youngsters everywhere, in magazines, in newspapers, on your television screen, and you couldn’t help feeling a tad uneasy. Where were the parents? Where in the hell was a parent?

Come to think of it, where were Emmanuel Lewis’s parents that Grammy night?

From the start, there were many people who simply refused to believe that any part of those nasty allegations could possibly be true. I admit I was tempted to join the Denial Brigade, at times longing to, at times even nodding my head in mute semi-agreement at the outrage and denunciations aimed, not at Jackson, but squarely at his young accusers and/or their parents.

This made me very uncomfortable as I’m sure it did you. Blaming the victim is always a revolting business, but who exactly were the victims? Were Jackson’s accusers the youngsters who had traveled and lived and played with him at his Neverland Ranch or the now furious parent-guardians kept at a distance during all that time?

And what about those parents, by the way? What on earth were they thinking in the first place, handing their precious children over to a stranger, no matter how famous, and leaving them with him without their at least occasional supervision? Where was their sense of responsibility?

I know--this was Michael, and they thought they knew him, could trust him. Everybody thinks that about celebrities; they come to us through the magic of movies, magazines, music, television (especially) and, increasingly, the 'Net--and we're seduced into believing that we know who they are. But even when convinced, as many obviously were, that they could trust Jackson completely, what did they know about the other people—the security, staff, assorted hangers-on—surrounding him? The parents who came forward, or were even just tempted to, with charges of abuse--how much of that fury was inverted embarrassment and guilt for having been so stupidly negligent with their children in the first place? How credible were they—and how many were truly credible? When a celebrity scandal, especially one involving a star of the magnitude of a Michael Jackson, explodes into the news, all sorts of slippery, unsavory types come from out of nowhere, looking for a payday, 15 minutes of face time, something. Things got so ugly so quickly.

On the other hand, I remember thinking uneasily there's something to this. Somewhere. Somehow.

There were so many kids around Michael Jackson, and of the ones who participated in the sleepovers a significant number seemed to have been very young (and pretty) boys, with Jackson alone calling the shots and the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, whoever, conveniently “disappeared”—was it possible he behaved in an inappropriate way with any one of those boys? Several of them? Many? And how “inappropriate” did things get? It was awful to contemplate—this was Michael Jackson! Your mind didn’t want to go there! But he didn’t help himself with the things he eventually admitted to doing--or allowing--and then tried to defend, so that the more Jackson protested his innocence, the more impatient, and finally disgusted, I got with him.

I know I keep coming back to this, but there's no getting away from it: he surrounded himself with underage kids--overwhelmingly, underage male kids--and took them with him when he toured and brought them back for extended stays at his ranch. He did this on the condition that parents and all other adult guardians—some, probably many, of whom were themselves long time MJ fans who would have been delighted to accompany their lucky youngsters to anything involving Michael—stay away, reportedly resorting to what could only be perceived as varying levels of bribery to ensure their cooperation in that request.

Most damning, he allowed these kids to sleep with him in his bedroom, an inner sanctum he reportedly protected with the installation of an elaborate motion sensor alarm system that would sound some kind of warning whenever anyone approached the door and reached for the knob, giving Jackson time to—well, what, exactly? Throw on a robe? Pull up his pants? Cover the kid? I know, that's ugly—but that’s how it looked! Could he really not see that that’s how it looked?? (And if this were anyone other than Michael Jackson we were talking about by the way, if, say, it was Donny Osmond-- would we be tiptoeing around the subject like this?)

And it’s not as if there was at that time a Special Lady on the premises, for appearances sake if for no other reason. Indeed it seemed not have occurred to Jackson that he should have that kind of cover (not that I mean to be offering any sort of playbook for pedophiles here). He was Michael Jackson, King of Pop, after all. Who would dare to question his actions? Besides the long since departed Ms. Shields, the most visible women making what I couldn’t avoid thinking of as Guest Appearances in Jackson’s life seemed to be stunning but aging icons of another era such as Sophia Loren—I think MJ was photographed squiring her to some glam function, once or twice—and, most notably, Elizabeth Taylor, who was actually a Jackson BFF. (The choice of La Liz is in itself ironically revealing—Monty Clift, James Dean, Rock Hudson, et al., anyone? And as for the gorgeous Sophia—two words: Cary Grant.) I’ll bet you if Marilyn Monroe was still alive and halfway decent-looking Jackson would have made sure to be seen attending some soiree with her, too. It’s that classic closet impulse toward over-compensation: Not only am I perfectly normal, but just look who I can attract! Quite the stud, wouldn’t you say?

It was stupid-ridiculous, Mike. If Michael Jackson wasn’t guilty of improper conduct with a minor, then he was at the very least the biggest fucking fool on the planet. How could he be so reckless? How could he place himself in such an exquisitely dangerous position? Didn’t it ever dawn on him what could happen if only a few of the details emerged, how things might appear, however innocent it all was?

But how innocent was it actually? There was MJ in that jaw-dropping Martin Bashir interview conceding that, yes, he did allow kids, many kids in fact, to sleep with him, not just in his bedroom but in his bed, sometimes with him, yes--but we can all take his word for it that it was completely honorable and above board, nothing remotely improper ever happened. We can believe this because he loves children, all children, all the little children of the world, and because, well, look he’s Michael Jackson, and he says so. End of discussion, okay?

What! WTF????!!

Do you remember that? What did you think? Myself, I sat there slack-jawed, thinking: that’s it, he’s done.

Yeah, I remember—the fall-out from that interview was so devastating for Michael Jackson that another, alternate version was released by him and his personal cameraman (Take Two: The Footage You Were Never Meant to See, also known as “the rebuttal interview”) showing interviewer Bashir being much more positive in his remarks toward and coverage of Jackson, as well as other omitted or additional interviews that were, of course, complimentary to Jackson. I suppose you could make the argument—and plenty of folks have—that the footage in the rebuttal version negates the former, or at least makes a case for doubting the whole concept of journalistic integrity. Especially seen back to back, the contrasting interviews probably do make Bashir seem disingenuous, if not Machiavellian, just another ambitious reporter ready in a heartbeat to sell out a famous, albeit naively trusting, subject to make his own name--or so the Michael loyalists sneer. I say "probably" because I don't remember ever having watched Take Two and, truthfully, I have no plans to do so now. Given the opportunity I don't particularly want to see the original again either. Too depressing, especially now.

I’ll leave it to you and others to argue Martin Bashir’s merits, or lack thereof, as a journalist. But even allowing for Bashir’s methods or intentions, there is no getting away from the fact—the fact, Mike—of Michael Jackson’s catalogue of bizarre behavior, and most seriously his (alleged) troubling impulses towards certain adolescent kids and fatal inability to comprehend that certain societal rules apply to him, too. Regardless. Regardless of his intentions, regardless of his probably very genuine love for his young fans (including the most heartrendingly vulnerable of them, the cancer sufferers whose miseries, reportedly, were eased by their Neverland visits), regardless of his kindness and generosity to his friends and family members, regardless of his global fame and (once) great wealth, and even regardless of his superlative gifts and indisputable legend as one of the most iconic, and beloved, entertainers of our time.


Happy 4th; call me when you get this,
L

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Travails of a Windmill Girl

July. Already.

Pride month has come and gone in a sudden flash, much like last year, come to think on it. Like last year and the year before. I should have done more.

Something would have been more.

*Sigh*

This is an awful movie: Secrets of a Windmill Girl, a little sixties British film I'd never seen before or even heard of, released nevertheless to DVD in 2005 by Salvation Films, from their "Sex-A-Go Go Collection" it says on the disc. O-kaaay. That kind of thing is usually right up my alley--obscure, arty, lost-gem type pictures from another era--but this has been mostly a time-waster. Too bad. Ingrid Bergman once got up, grabbed her coat, and walked right out of the middle of a film. Apparently her exit was noticed and not at all appreciated; asked later to explain herself she replied simply, "I haven't got time to waste." Brava, Ingrid. You were smarter than me. (On so many levels, but we'll discuss all that another time.) I stuck it out with Secrets of a Windmill Girl 'til the balmy, bitter end. Beside, you can't snatch up your coat and haughtily walk out on your DVD player--you'd look silly.

I was doubly disappointed with Secrets of a Windmill Girl because the wonderful Pauline Collins is touted as its star, she of Shirley Valentine (awards and accolades for both stage and film versions), Upstairs, Downstairs, and--most memorably for me--the delightful 1974 Britcom, No, Honestly opposite real-life husband and frequent acting partner John Alderton. Collins played Clara, the spritely, sweetly exasperating Gracie to Alderton's wisecracking George.

Secrets of a Windmill Girl was actually Miss Collins's film debut but it will never rank as one of her better efforts (thank goodness). The acting is amateurish, the dialogue is stilted at best and the production values are, um, minimal--it's washed-out looking and the pace sort of plods along. The movie is based on a real-life (1931 to 1964, officially) London burlesque theatre famous for remaining open for business even at the height of the Blitz during WWII but seems mostly an excuse to show lots of girlie flesh and that's its only real draw, not that I have a problem with that. Some of the Windmill's former dancers are featured, which is kind of enjoyable, that and the look of late sixties London: the cars, the quaint streets and shops, and the actress-dancers' towering beehive hairdos and Cleopatra eye make-up.

The movie opens with the sudden, violent death of one Miss Pat Lord in a car crash following a drunken night on the town with what appears to be her latest Mr. Right Now. Collins plays Pat, a pretty, tart-mouthed, bright-eyed brunette with a burning ambition to go places; the place she settles her sights on--following a brief stint at a shoe store where she sneeringly shoots down the amorous hopes of her old-enough-to-know-better employer--is the famed Windmill Theatre where open auditions are being held for dancers, or for leggy, pretty girls who can move reasonably well, at least. She drags her shy blonde best friend Linda along and, though neither are properly dressed for a dance audition (or dance all that well, frankly), they are both accepted, Pat immediately, Linda thanks to Pat's cheeky insistence.

But I'm getting ahead of myself; after the crash a policeman tracks down Linda, now working as a singer in a tony West End club, to identify Pat's body and provide some background on the late Miss Lord. Thus begins Linda's narration of the life and "secrets" of her vivacious, hard-living former friend. We see them briefly as middle year schoolgirls (looking suspiciously like extras from the set of the way superior The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie), then as teenage sixth-formers giddily trashing their schoolbooks on graduation day, then as roommates swiftly trading in the workaday world for a chance at the Big Time as Windmill Girls.

Thereafter there are a lot of scenes of Pat, Linda and the other Windmill ladies in various stages of undress onstage and backstage, and posing together in various "newsreel" accounts of various public relations tours. They party, gossip and engage in a catfight or two, usually instigated by the arrogant, boastful Pat who for a time snags a wealthy producer-gentlemen friend who promises her West End glory he never quite delivers on. Pat's abrasiveness wears on Linda as well and they gradually drift apart. In case you care there were Windmill Boys too; here and there we glimpse male dancers, comics and musicians but they're pretty much backdrop--this movie is about cheesecake not beefcake.

If you want to see a better and more entertaining movie about London's Windmill Theatre and its denizens, check out Judi Dench (and Bob Hoskins) in the 2005 movie Mrs. Henderson Presents, directed by Stephen Frears.

Looks awful out this morning. Gray and threatening. I really should have gone for an early morning walk--my day just seems to start better whenever I do--but kept putting it off, afraid the skies would open and halfway to the park I'd get drenched. Instead I've settled into watch Collins and company and feel restless as hell and annoyed with myself. Carpe Diem pro Deo! I know I know! Do something! But what already? Recently my union told the Mayor to take his proposals and go &*@#!# himself (or words to that effect) and now I'm scared to spend ten cents never mind ten dollars in case this time next month I'm on the bread lines (again). Makes me nostalgiac for the days when I was a kid. When I was a teenager I didn't let the weather or much else stop me from going where I wanted to go and doing what I wanted to do, broke or not.
Not completely true. Other things did stop me. Not the weather.

I've got it! You know what this movie, Secrets of a Windmill Girl really is? It's the dark side of Ann Marie's quest for fame! Do you see it? It's...

That Girl In Hell!

That Poor Girl!

That Girl Gone Wild!

Okay, your turn.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

TweetTweet

Payday. I remember when that used to mean something. Sort of mean something.

I now tweet. I am not altogether sure why. It remains to be seen if any of the friends and family members I've invited to join me at Twitter will show up (what..? you don't love me anymore?) and I don't know how chattily "intimate" I really want to get with strangers. At the moment I have a few Twitter followers but what does that mean really? Who are they and what's their interest in the arch haiku scribblings of Little Me?

I am looking about me as I type and thinking with a sigh that it's time to do a bit more spring cleaning. More than a bit. Awhile back I read a book (okay, I read part of a chapter of a book) on feng shui, and I'm thinking now it did make its point about how psychologically oppressive clutter can be, and also how the placement of furniture can make a room more inviting or make it a place you find yourself wanting to avoid. It's about Chi, the energy that, according to feng shui philosophy, permeates everything in and around us. I do not have a smooth Chi flow. There's too much stuff in the rooms I live in, blocking the kind of vibrant energy--Sheng Chi--that makes fresh thinking and a more creative life possible.

And look at all these books overflowing the bookcases--do I really want or need them? All of them? Am I going to be reading again the ones I read twice long ago? Will I ever get around to reading the ones I bought years ago that have been sitting collecting dust? Who am I trying to impress by hanging on to them? They should go. Most of them should go.

On the other hand...

I've always felt more than a little queasy about getting rid of books. Books aren't old clothes or old shoes or broken toys, after all. A really good read can open worlds previously unknown to you or console and uplift you in ways even people and pets can't. You shouldn't be careless or cavalier with books like that, you'll wind up regretting it. There are books I've boxed and donated away that I later wished I'd kept; I wish especially that I hadn't given away (or sold)books I'd bought when I was just getting into my teens and easing into my twenties. I'd love to take a look at them now to glimpse what I was into and curious about at that time of my life. Did I jot any precious little notes to myself in the margins of the pages? Did I write my name and the date and place of purchase on the inside cover?

But you know, then again...

There's something to be said for knowing when to move on and let things go. You can hang on to a thing, even a book, past the point that's it healthy or necessary to do so. Sometimes taking a deep breath and just getting on with it has a cleansing effect. And--mostly by accident, admittedly--I've discovered that sometimes letting possessions go can be a boon to someone else who needs them more.

For example, just before and shortly after moving into this apartment I boxed a fairly large collection of books, including some queer-centric bios, novels and self-help stuff, sending many of them to my building's common floor reading room. Later I had second thoughts about a few of the titles I'd given away and decided to retrieve them, only to find in my search that all of the LGBT themed books--every single one of them--had disappeared. There were maintenance and cowboy-booted construction guys all over the place during this period, as the building was being rehabbed top to (no jokes, please) bottom, and as I'd walk through the place I'd observe many of these guys trying, in some often crude form or fashion, to out-macho one another.

Well, you know how it is. Heteros generally like to assume that everyone around them is just like them, but one of the first and most gratifying lessons you learn when you're queer is that that's just so much horseshit. If you're "different" so is someone else in this room, on this floor, in this building. That's the law of averages, honey.

At first I was disappointed, even upset, to realize that my gay books had vanished; briefly I toyed with the idea of putting up flyers imploring their return, but I reconsidered. Even if I could have gotten them back, maybe it was better not to, better for someone else. Somewhere in that collection of sweaty, strutting, power tool wielding dudes beat the heart(s) of a fierce Pride queen (Alright, that's an obnoxious stereotype, but you get what I'm saying) who maybe hadn't the confidence or courage to purchase those titles (even online) but needed them nonetheless. And really, what was I doing with The Gay Kama-Sutra?

How do you tweet all that?

Thursday, June 4, 2009

That Father

This is crazy-making.

Okay, look--I liked this show a lot in its original run when I was a grammar-schooler, and I continued to like it in reruns during my growing up years, and here, deep in Middle-Age Land, as I watch a Season One DVD on my desktop, I find I still like it. A lot. That Girl (both the Girl and the show) still has real appeal. I still love the popping, vibrant colors, Ann Marie’s kicky sixties wardrobe (Oh, God, I wanted that girl’s closet!), the truly wonderful exterior shots of a vanished New York, Harry Geller’s (or was it Dominic Frontiere’s?) spritely-sweet and evocative incidental music—especially Earle Hagen’s now iconic opening theme and its seasonal variations--and even the charming innocence of Ann and her boyfriend Don’s improbably chaste romance.

But her dad. Lew. Lew Marie. Criminey, what an obnoxious ass!

On the commentary track for “What Are Your Intentions?”—along with the crisp, beautiful audio and video transfer, the great pleasure of classic movies and television series in DVD format are the bonus features, especially the cast and crew commentaries—Marlo Thomas and series co-creator Bill Persky discuss with great amusement their memories of the making of the show and the episode’s storyline about overprotective fathers. The two laugh heartily at Lew Marie’s sarcastic distrust and endless jibes at Donald, comparing aspects of Lew's behavior to Thomas’s real-life dad, Danny Thomas (Make Room For Daddy) and Persky himself with his own young daughters. This was how dads were, they recalled fondly, back in the era when dads were really involved in their kids’ lives.

Um, okay.

As I consider it, Lew Marie’s ferocious desire to guard his only daughter’s health and well-being, by which of course I mean her virginity, is understandable given she’d insisted on leaving home to make her own way in the world at a time when daughters generally didn’t do such things, and he and the Mrs. didn’t know this Don Hollinger guy very well.

What isn’t so understandable to me is Mr. Marie’s continuing abrasiveness toward Donald as time (and the series) went on. After all, this was the man his daughter loved and would eventually marry (in the series finale). Couldn’t he have given his daughter’s judgment the benefit of the doubt? Couldn’t he have respected her feelings enough to reign in his worries and stifle his impulse to pick apart Donald? What was that about, anyway? First Mr. Marie is upset at the prospect of his lovely and naive young daughter leaving home to move to the big bad city and live and work in it alone; then he’s pissed off because she’s found herself a handsome, successful, good-hearted guy who’s every bit as loving and protective of her as he is. I mean, what is that?

And what’s up with Ann allowing her father to be so disrespectful and so relentlessly, well, mean, to her man? Sure, she’s young and her dad’s authority still has some sway, but as she would (gently, pleadingly, and more than once) point out to him, she’s not a child anymore and it’s really not okay for him to treat her like one. So why did she so often let him? Why didn’t concern for Donald’s feelings compel Ann to object more forcefully to Lew’s insensitivity? ("Oh, Daddy...") Did Marlo let Danny get away with that shit?

I meant everything I just said. I’ve always thought Lew Marie (played with pugnacious gusto by character actor Lew Parker) was an abrasive jerk to every male above the age of 12 who ever smiled at his daughter, most particularly the man she adored, and it really bugged me.

But can I tell you something else? Right alongside my annoyance I’ve always felt a twinge of jealousy of Ann Marie; more than a twinge, as finally I became Ann’s age and was faced with navigating a world of make-believe and machismo. I mean, just imagine. Imagine having a father for whom you are the center of the universe, who loves and fears for you so much that he’s willing, with no apologies and above your objections, to step over the line time and time again to safeguard your health and well-being.

And, okay, your virginity.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Sunday Purgatory, Volume One

Do you want to know what I wrote in one of my notebooks the other day?

Almost walked to the park today but it looked like rain, the kind that can go on for hours, the kind that drenches you cold. Maybe later if the sun comes out.

That was it, kids. That was all. Isn't that the most boring, nothing drivel you've ever wasted a moment reading in your life? I mean, what was the point? Why did I bother?

Look, I know what I'm supposed to be writing in these notebooks, but it's too often an exercise in tedium so screw that. I'm going to scribble whatever the hell I want to even if doing so is counter-productive to my learning to be a "real" writer, whatever that is. Fuck. So frustrating anyway. In bed, in that twilight zone between sleep and wakefulness, on the toilet, on the walk to work, shopping for produce, shelving books--I get all these intense stream-of-consciousness thoughts in my head that I know I should be putting on the page, but in the moment it's just not possible to do that. Even if I could, somehow the very act of reaching for a pen and grabbing for a notebook alters something, changes the mood and the moment, interrupts the psychic flow. I can't explain. As I grab it and try to get it down it dissipates, or comes out all stiff and artificial, not like it was in my head at all. Maddening. For a while now I've thought I should be investing in a mini-recorder so that I could just transcribe everything later, but again I feel like my hyper-awareness that my ruminating is being recorded "for posterity" will simply ruin everything; again I'll get all self-conscious and edit and censor myself right out of any original or interesting commentary.

So what would you do?

Right.

Maybe I'll just go back to watching television. On my computer.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Streaming Consciousness

Just caught sight of myself in the bathroom mirror. Amazed--and a tad disconcerted--at how much (sans makeup) I resemble my brother when he was a teenager. A really sullen teenager.

Glad I got off my ass and got out and power-walked this morning. Such a be-you-tiful day too; sunny, warm, cool and breezy. Got all the way to the tennis court in the park before finally turning around and heading back to shower, breakfast and watch Frasier (the "I.Q." episode, then the one guest starring the fabulous Christine Baranski as the Dr. Laura-like radio shrink from hell.) Nothing like a civilized start to your day!

Shopping later:

  • fresh strawberries
  • bananas
  • maybe watermelon if sweet and not too damned expensive
  • check out the cherries--only if they're firm and sweet
  • green tea
  • vine tomatoes
  • white potatoes, red onions, green pepper, celery, etc for potato salad
  • chips? shouldn't. probably will. undecided.
  • a nice dessert of some kind. maybe ice cream, or I'll make a pie (fat chance)
  • and I'm sorry, but I want a steak this time, and some hot dogs too. Sick to death of chicken. The Cook Yourself Thin ladies made a mouthwatering-looking flank steak a week or so ago, but I'm not sure I could pull that off. May just try to find a good sirloin.
  • hot dog buns
  • 100% whole wheat bread (see? see? I'm not totally hopeless)
  • paper products: napkins, toilet paper, foil
  • whatever else

Note to Self:

  • Call Mike M. back
  • And, Jesus, Email Michael R. again--it's been way too long; hope he's not mad at me for letting so much time go past without following up.
  • Buy the Michel Legrand box set (Le Cinema de Michel Legrand)? Dusty Grooves has it for an excellent price, much better than Amazon.
  • Keep trying to find the British CD release of the Tess soundtrack, one that more closely matches the 1981 U.S. LP release, or that at least includes Larry Butler's elegant love theme instrumental.
  • Check the mail for the new Netflix stuff!

Arggh. The day is getting away from me (why does it do that? annoying); I should have started this earlier. The store is going to be busy tomorrow, a madhouse by Saturday--I should have done the shopping this morning, especially since I have to work all day tomorrow. Maybe I can shop on my lunch hour tomorr--no, girl. Don't do that. Don't even go there.

What is it now? 82 degrees? Lovely. All those white sails dotting the lake's blue water. I should definitely head back out and get more of this, whether to shop or not. This was a wonderful time to be alive when I was school age, especially the elementary school years. Everything was green again, the weather was nearly perfect--not as cold as it had been, not as hot as it was going to be--classwork was winding down, and my teachers, happily anticipating their summer vacations (or so I surmised), were mellowing and becoming almost human again. Most of them.

Field trips were on the rise, the zoo, the museums, as everyone was restless and eager to get out of doors. No homework, or damn near. I remember how strange and dusty and forlorn the third floor hallways looked on the last day of school, especially with all the classroom doors closed shut. Abandoned and forgotten. The long stretch of floor, that had looked so shiny in the morning, was now streaked and mottled with hundreds of sneaker and sandal prints. I'd look back and around, and, momentarily, feel a deep pang of guilt and a kind of regret...

Then I was out the door like a shot. See you in September, Charles Kozminski. You and the custodian--you're on your own now.

  • eggs
  • bacon? (really shouldn't)
  • 2% milk, a gallon
  • nonfat milk, a quart
  • bath soap

It was a late spring summer-ish day like this one. There was this girl I'd known in school. What was her name...? Cynthia? No. Yes. I think, Cynthia. We'd stopped dead in our tracks, right in the middle of the sidewalk, upon suddenly, unexpectedly, encountering each other in the street after years of seeing each other in Miss Westmore's class every single day followed by years of not seeing one another at all. This was somewhere in the Reagan eighties, a good dozen-plus years or so away from our elementary school lives. We had not really been girlfriends then, not close-close friends anyway, but I remembered she had been nice, not a bully, had had a certain unassuming charm, and I'd liked her. Well enough.

I was disappointed to realize she seemed delighted to see me. Disappointed because I'd wanted to return the feeling but was instead uneasy and immediately on my guard.

"Lorraine. Lorraine?! Hiiiiii!!" She rushed up to hug me, grinning big. A little awkwardly I hugged back, then stepped away. "Hey, Cyn."
"How you been, girl? How long has it been?!" Swinging and shaking my hand like we were kids. She looked so happy, and... and young, still so much like the skinny little girl she used to be, even more petite than I was. Had once been.
"Um, okay I guess; yeah. Been awhile--how are you?"
"Me, I'm fine, you know. Hangin' in there, trying to raise my kids--!"
"Wow--kids? Get outta here, you're somebody's mom?" She laughed a sheepish little laugh, rolled her eyes. "Girllll, yeah! You know how it is." She looked at me again, a penetrating, right-into-the-eyes kind of look, and took a deep breath.
"So--?" She said expectantly. I braced for it.
"--you? Got kids? You married?" Still that searching look. What the hell was she looking for?
"No. No, I'm not. And no kids, no, not me." Careful.
"No? So what do you do? Are you working, or..?"
I took a deep breath. "I--I'm--I write. I'm a writer."

I shrugged and took a step back. And then Cynthia surprised me. She looked--I'm still not sure this is the right word, but it's the one that comes first to mind--she looked relieved. Pleased, but also relieved. Like one of us had dodged a bullet or something. For the barest second I was puzzled, and then all at once I understood, and as her words came out in a rush of praise and breathless enthusiasm, I felt bottomless sadness for us both.

"Yeaahh, I remember you used to draw all the time! I used to wish I could draw like you! And now you write? You're a writer??"
I swallowed, smiled tightly. "Well. Yeah, trying to--"
"That's great. That is great, Lorraine! I knew it, I knew you'd be something! You were always so smart when we were in school--you used to get really good grades I remember that (laughter)--I used to love the way you draw--do you still draw?--I'm so glad to hear this--I'm so glad one of us made it..."
We stood right in the middle of the sidewalk, oblivious as the errant passerby pointedly walked around us, eying us. And Cynthia went on a little longer like this, animated and gesturing, almost pathetically eager to congratulate me on escaping poverty and routine, celebrating me my many accomplishments.

My many bogus accomplishments.

Because the truth was, I was not a writer, except in spiral notebooks and my daydreams. I'd been a good student, yes, but not an exceptional one, and I did used to draw because I liked to and because I could. And I was lying to Cynthia now because the truth, that I was working a series of hourly wage administrative jobs for a downtown temp agency, was too mundane and bleak and comedown to share. Because I could see in her eyes she wanted--no, she needed--me to be special, a success, and I couldn't bear to let her down or let her see how much I'd let myself down.

I laughed, shaking my head. "Yeah, well. It's hard, you know..." Cynthia nodded vigorously, as though she could well imagine. "Oh, but you'll make it, Lorraine! Just keep it up, girl, keep doing it, you'll make it--I know you will--"

Then we chatted briefly about other schoolmates--who was now driving a bus, who had gotten married and divorced and re-married, who had had to leave town, who had had twins, who still looked just the same as back in the day--and finally we hugged once more and parted, moving again in our separate directions, each of turning around to wave. I couldn't get away from her fast enough. Her and her touching pride and hopefulness; me and my pack of lies.

And Cyn, if you're reading this now, try not to hate me too much. I was wrong for that, I know, but I wasn't playing you. I was just scared. You had come floating up out of my past, the girl who had known the girl with all the potential, and--for a moment, for a little while--I was desperate to see in someone's eyes the me I wished I was, would like to have been.

  • mild cheddar cheese
  • laundry detergent
  • bag of ice
  • frozen spinach
  • soda pop.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Diary Pages -- May 2003

Ahhh, the familiar terror of the blank page.

Welcome, torture.

Still thinking about the e-rants of Miss White Disgusted--who made it quite clear that she's had it up to HERE with the snide remarks, evil looks and general disapproval from black women about her relationship with a black man--and Mr. Black Royalty, who had a thing or two to say in reply to Miss White Disgusted. Both of them angry, both fed up, about the other's clueless attitude. Or something like that.

Very interesting reading indeed.

I can't decide what fascinated me more, Miss Disgusted's insulting ignorance about black female anger or Mr. Royal's sardonic reply--which, for all its loyalty and impassioned righteousness, rang slightly false somehow.

I mean, he made his point, Mr. Royalty did, about the strict upbringing of young black women and how this made the sexual "availability" of willing young white women an appealing option for young black males on the make. ("You're no goddess, baby--you're just easy!")

I have to admit I liked what he Mr. R had to say about the resilient strength of African-American women through the generations, the way generations of us have taught white women how to cook, how to dress; how we've raised white women's babies even as our own were ripped from our arms forever.

And let's give Mr. Black Royalty points for his willingness to acknowledge black male fear of black women, and the worry that she will leave him behind as a higher wage earner--better educated, better motivated to succeed, more socially sophisticated--enters her life (or as she becomes all of those things).

Yeah, I liked all of that. Until I slowed down to

Sunday, May 3, 2009

First Sunday In May

Beautiful, sunny and everything's popping green (at last). I should be outside today.

Can't. Too much pain. Will have to take it easy today, maybe finish the Paul Krugman book. But there's a cooling breeze coming off the lake--damn, wish we had a patio.

Bolero is playing in the black and white background of Secret Agent/AKA Danger Man. A petrified middle-aged businessman type is about to get offed by the doughy, steely-eyed blond guy holding the pistol. Always loved the theme of this show--not the Johnny Rivers vocal, which is swingin' finger-poppin' fun alright, but the spritely, organ- and trumpet-driven incidental music or whatever it's called that always opens the episode. You see the "Series Devised and Edited by Ralph Smart" and other credits over the action as it plays. Remember?

Max was so pissed off last night she pissed me off. Can't get that out-of-left-field phone call out of my mind. I guess Mom is right that it's likely a control issue. Max has been the family free spirit for such a long time, it's hard to watch her slowly becoming a cranky old lady with ever diminishing capacities. She hates the new apartment--totally understandable where the kitchen and bath are concerned--and she's lost her pretty view of the boats on the lake. But mostly she hates her increasing vulnerability, the way she's become so dependent on the rest of us for almost all the things she used to be able to do herself.

I understand that, I do. I watch Maxine's decline and am swept with sadness at the change in her, and worry what's coming for my mother, my Aunt Mary, my Uncle Bob and Aunt Vera. And Michael.

And me.

When we were living in California, some--Jesus!--25 years ago, Max and I would often get in the car and just go. Sometimes shopping, sometimes sight-seeing, sometimes just for the ride up the Pacific Coast Highway and the breathtaking views of sparkling water and distant mountains. We'd roll the windows down, turn the radio up and laugh like maniacs at jokes nobody but us would get. We'd find the best restaurants and sweet shops, if we were lucky a combination of the two, and bring home mouthwateringly fresh peach pies, strawberry pies, lemon lush pies and (this absolutely floored me; still does) the most delicious french vanilla ice cream--a local drug store brand, as good or better than Haagen Daz, Baskin Robbins or Breyer's. Don't smirk. If you'd been there you'd know what I mean.

I miss El Pollo Loco, Marie Callendar's, Jongewaard, and Jim's Hamburgers--far and away the best greasy spoon burgers I've ever had. Mostly though I miss going to all those places with Max. She was then the age I am now, and I was a little girl with big, grown-up hips thinking lipstick, summer dresses and high heels made me her equal. We were such great friends. We're still friends. But everything's so different now.

Everything is so dfferent now.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

WTF??

Two blogs--or was it three?--posted in January, one in February (something about Rita Hayworth? Where was I going with that?), and nothing at all last month. Nothing really this month either, as this is the last day of April '09.

What is going on? I so want to write... but when I sit down to try to do so all that comes is nothing. Nothing, nothing and more nothing. It's hideous. And the reading is not going all that well either come to that, even though I'm steadily buying books and borrowing books and people are giving me books. I just can't seem to concentrate, to focus. It's almost impossible to relax and just give myself over to the whatever--the page, the pen. Maybe I need to get out more.

Do you think I need to get out more? What do you think?

PS: Carrie Prejean is a fucking idiot. Nice teeth, though.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Yesterday Was Awful

Put the blame on Mame, boys
Put the blame on Mame
Mame did a dance called the hitchy-coo
That’s the thing that slew MacGrew…


Don’t know what made me think of slinky Rita Hey-Hey-Hey playfully pulling off one long black satin glove, raven waves falling seductively over one eye…

Auburn waves. Not raven. The Lady From Shanghai notwithstanding, the lovely Rita was most famously a redhead and Gilda, her most memorable film, was a noirish black and white.

Yesterday was awful, one of those working days that makes me wish I’d tried harder to stick it out with the money-grubbing private sector. I arrived roughly an hour early as is my custom and decided to use part of the time to shop for a few groceries. Some thirty minutes later it turned out I’d bought rather more than a “few” items and was relieved to make it back to the front door of the library with several heavy shopping bags of milk, juice, meat, etc. Even bought a pint of my beloved Haagen Daz—on sale, of course. By then there were some twenty minutes to go before time to open for the day. I wasn’t worried, initially. I could see all the lights up, including in the auditorium and staff room spaces… someone had to be there…back there… somewhere…

Not.

No Friendly Custodian Guy, no Briskly Efficient Branch Manager, and—it goes without saying—no Clerks, senior or junior. Nobody. ‘Cepting the painters, who as a rule seldom look up from their mixing and pouring or break from their gossiping, assuming they even heard my increasingly insistent tapping and pounding.

The time ticked away, the unseasonably warm temps began to melt my Haagen Daz, and the patrons began to gather in earnest, most of them youngish men impatient to get on the Internet access pcs and get those job searches, tax preps and circuit breaker requests going. Most of them seemed resigned to yet another late opening day; one or two of them seemed dryly amused. “That’s our people, ya know? We jus’ be like that sometimes.”

I was not amused, dryly or otherwise. I was steaming. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to help it. It was damn near noon; in another minute or two, once again, I was going to be late swiping into that damned time clock, once again through no fault of my own. This was a replay of Saturday, my previous working day, when the only other staffer on the schedule—the only one—finally pulled up to the curb several minutes late. And once again I’d placed an SOS call to the Branch Manager, who was not scheduled to work that day but was now forced to alter her plans due to the irresponsibility of one of her coworkers.

This time around I called the (Interim) District Chief as well, and told him directly how—“tired” was the word I chose—how tired I had become of these irresponsible no-shows, particularly on a day when everyone, the Branch Manager, myself, and four full time clerks, was scheduled to work. One or two of them might be sick or have suddenly to deal with some unavoidable emergency, possibly even three of them, but all five? Five full-timers, each with keys to the door, and none of them are here? The weather is mild and sunny, traffic is running normally, there is no snow—so what could be the justification for this?

Okay, said the (Interim) District Chief, sounding pretty tired his own self, I’ll talk to them.

I’m sure he will. He’ll talk to them, maybe lecture and gently scold them all, the way presumably the previous District Chief did. The Branch Manager will react with her typical stoicism. And the clerks will grumble amongst themselves and sulk their resentment; one or two feeling perhaps a twinge of guilt… and nothing will change. Absolutely nothing.

Why is this? Why are unreliability and a poor work ethic so tolerated by the City? I don’t know for sure and have no data to back me up on this, but my assumption is that it’s a form of self-protection. To keep wrongful dismissal lawsuits to a manageable minimum the strategy seems to be to keep giving problem employees lots and lots and lots of rope with which to eventually hang themselves. I mean, I guess it’s a strategy; presumably by the time serious action is taken against a troublemaker—and by “troublemaker” I do not mean your noble, conscientious whistleblower type—all the protests in the world of discriminatory mistreatment won’t be able to hide the evidential mountain of chronic misconduct.

Which makes sense, I suppose.

But what happens to office morale in the meantime? While all that rope is slowly spooling out, what becomes of the dependable worker bees, increasingly disillusioned and wearied to the point of cynical detachment by the excesses of the slacker drones around them?

So tired all of a sudden; all of a sudden I'm fighting to keep my eyes open. I really should grab my coat and go for a walk. But it’s so gray outside, so dreary-looking, and in any case this is not a neighborhood in which under the best of circumstances I feel all that comfortable walking around.

Maybe I’ll just crawl back into bed and sleep for awhile. And dream of employers who don’t reward inconsideration and indifference.